Climate of Education

This is exactly how Global Warming works. Probably.

Recently I was invited to visit the University of Hull as a part of that hugely exciting university selection process that I’m sure most of you will end up going through. Now Hull is, depending on your route, at least two train journeys and a bus ride away, which gives the traveller plenty of time to sit, relax, open a book, and start to eavesdrop on other people’s conversations.

There were far too many interesting conversations to mention all of them, and they ranged from the travelogue of a group of bluenoses (Birmingham City football fans) to a couple of young musicians discussing the Iliad, so rest assured that it was interesting. But some of the comments that really fascinated me in particular were those of a family of four who sat across the aisle from me. Indeed, it was one specific comment by the daughter, and the response from her mother which captured my attention and made me think.

It has, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, been snowing, and the daughter asked something along the lines of “Why is it snowing if it’s global warming?”. To which the mother replied, “That’s an interesting question. They asked someone about it on the radio, but I got the the fourth word and was lost.”

Now let me just point out that the question of snow during a process of global warming is not especially interesting, and usually requires a simple explanation of the concepts ‘global climate‘, ‘local weather’, and maybe a quick discussion of the gulf stream’s warming effect, and the impact of increased water levels on such. It is not an especially hard concept to understand, except perhaps for how water levels are affected and why water levels might then affect natural ocean currents, which are things figured out by people who have lots of special qualifications like doctorates and PhDs. Which leads us to an obvious question: If these things are not hard to understand, why don’t people understand them yet?

What is desperately needed therefore, is an understandable way of explaining the issues surrounding climate change. Not just man-made climate change either. It may be easier to ‘dumb down’ climate change to the idea of man-made global warming, but that isn’t accurate. There are many different processes involved. Perhaps better would be to note that the majority of scientists in the area believe that they have reasonable evidence for humans heating up the earth by putting chemicals like carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. Indeed, the concept of ‘majority’ is fairly important here. When a majority of scientists believe something, it is usually either correct, or a reasonable enough guess.

As for snow? Well, on a global scale the earth is warming up. But the earth rotates, and tilts, and moves around. Already different parts of the world have different weather – imagine the UK compared to the Sahara desert. If everything is warming up, then that just means that there is a higher average temperature across the world, during the course of a year. It still means that we can have vastly different weather to the Sahara, and that we can still have snow at certain parts of the year.

But then I’m sure you knew that already. I realise that when I discuss climate change, I’m preaching to the fairly converted. However, I’m sure you all know people who, if not climate ‘skeptics’, certainly don’t understand the issues of global warming, and the importance of it. It is these people that science needs to reach, and it is these people whom science consistently fails to reach. If we can act as ambassadors of science, then perhaps some greater awareness for the issues our modern society is facing from climate change will be reached among the population. Yes, you too can save the world.

My Letter

Stevey boy stares deeply and passionately into your soul. You know you're going to vote for the right candidate.

It was a certain amount of bemusement that I received and read a letter that was addressed to me in the wishful hope that I’d be someone else. It was from my local MP, a Mr Steve McCabe, who, now that I was eighteen, wished me to consider himself one of the better candidates for souls in my predicament. Sadly, however, I am not in the predicament that he described.

You see, to an MP attempting to garner local votes, there are two types of eighteen year olds. There are the ones who will be leaving very soon, to get to a university, and will thus be outside the MP’s constituency. However, there are also the ones who, if they have not already left, will probably stay in a similar area and commence to begin entering the world of employment. The former almost certainly not have a chance to vote for you. The latter almost certainly will. It should be fairly obvious which one to write your letter to.

Nonetheless, it was an interesting letter. I only saw one spelling mistake, and it was one that spellcheck doesn’t pick up (in/if). I enjoyed the advice that if I returned the letter freepost, this would be ‘at no cost to [my]self’. I wonder what sorts of freepost one has to pay for.

However, while my MP has tried to be helpful in this area, he has been downright obfuscating in others. ‘Last year I introduced a 10 Minute Rule Bill in Parliament calling for a fairer deal over youth employment.’ I understand that, as a busy and intelligent politician, Mr McCabe is a whizz on the parliamentary terminology. I suspect that many of his constituents, however, are not. Certainly, I’d expect many of the people who did know to be studying PPE (Politics, Philosophy and Economics), and thus to be in the ‘moving out’ group.

What old Stevey-boy wanted to tell me, I think, was that he worries about me getting a job. I don’t think this was meant personally, but was more a general comment on employment in society. I was disappointed by the standard ‘cost of Higher Education‘, by which I can only assume he means the £9,000 tuition fees. However, he seemed a lot more concerned about the ‘lack of job, training and apprenticeship opportunities’. You’ll note the lack of an Oxford comma in that last sentence, but that’s not too bad. He also doesn’t believe that one in five of us should be left ‘without a chance’, although I’d love to see some sort of source for that statistic.

But in many ways it was quite a positive letter. Despite not explaining what his 10 Minute Rule Bill was, he is quite keen that it should make a difference. Equally, he is quite happy to provide what he thinks to be good solutions, and practical, local ones at that, such as the Future Jobs Fair. Indeed, for every criticism he made of the situation, he made at least one positive suggestion about what he was trying to do to improve it. It’s honestly quite nice to have an MP who wants to make a difference so clearly.

I also noted that he didn’t once mention a political party. He mentioned the Government once, when he apparently called upon it to act in some way. Other than that, it was a local letter about local issues. In part, I suppose this is due to the reasons outlined at the start, that his target audience is clearly not the people who aren’t going to be especially affected by the local area. (I realise this is extremely cynical. I apologise – one of my friends is involved in campaigning for the Conservative Party, and for him politics really is like this.) I also understand that the Labour party in general may be considered to have ‘hit a rut’, as one could say. However, I’m sure he could have won some easy points by insulting Nick Clegg, who is universally hated. Even Nick Clegg’s mother hates Nick Clegg. [CITATION DESPERATELY NEEDED]

In all, I think it was a very honest letter. Mr McCabe writes ‘For me, unemployment is the biggest single issue facing young people in this area although I also recognise that many of you will be worried about [...] other matters’. There was something quite enjoyable about the way that he was quite happy to accept that not everyone is passionate about unemployment. It throws young idealists (like me) who are more concerned with civil rights off guard. Equally, I was grateful for the slightly trite line ‘I can’t pretend that you’ll always agree with everything I do or say’.

All in all, it was a good letter. Mr McCabe underuses his comma, so the punctuation was a bit scarce, but it was legible, and simple, and the parliamentary letterheads were nice. It had a simple, yet detailed writing style, and it tackled issues in a positive manner, raising suggestions, and things that had already been done.

What am I going to do? Well, I’m going to fill in his questionnaire, and I hope that there’s room. I think I will also e-mail Steve McCabe, and ask him some questions of my own. And ultimately, if anyone happens to live in Birmingham Selly Oak constituency, I would thoroughly recommend voting for him. To be honest, the alternative is Nigel Dawkins, who writes newsletters about how glad his daughter is to use the play area. He’s a bit weird.

My New Law

Image via Wikipedia

Having just written a very nice new post, WordPress told me I needed to write another one. I explained that my USP was apathy, and that meant the fewer posts the better. WordPress explained that the idea of a USP was to be a Unique Selling Point, with an emphasis on selling. I explained that my readers liked my style. WordPress asked what readers. I stormed off in a huff at this point.

Anyway, to cut a long, and probably quite beautiful story of reconcilliation, inner courage and obsessive anthropomorhisation short, WordPress suggested that I write about the law that I would enact were people ever so silly as to put me in power. Which I thought quite interesting.

Let me get one thing straight. I would not simply enact a law. Laws are one-a-penny these days, and I don’t want to be helping that hyper-deflation by adding my own. My ‘law’ would most likely be termed an initiative, were it put into place. A scheme, although that has connotations that suggest I’m plotting something dastardly. I wouldn’t do that. Least of all to you, dear reader.

My scheme would be in education. It would encourage two main subjects. Computing and Modern Foreign Languages. Unlikely bedfellows, but that’s the way it rolls.

Foreign languages would be compulsory from the beginning of Key Stage 2 (Year 3, ages 7+) as part of the normal school curriculum. It should continue to be compulsory until students begin to make their choices, usually around the age of about 15. This would hopefully start removing the stigma against foreign languages, and more importantly, open students up to a range of skills such as problem solving that would help them in later life.

Computing would probably not be compulsory. However, it would be a part of the ICT curriculum from the beginning of KS3 (11+). Skills such as programming are useful in everyday activities (I just ran a program to work out the age ranges of various years in the school system) and would also act as a ueful skillbase for other things. Programming very quickly gives you skills of patience, and also the ability to take apart an idea and put it together again in very small pieces.

Together, I think these are two subjects that are dreadfully underused in our society. Both play very important parts in our modern, technological, global world. Both can be used for work and for leisure. And both are worthy of being promoted in our education system.

So there you go. Maybe not quite a law, but certainly a government scheme. I understand that there is a current push to get students to learn some foreign language, and most primary schools now get someone in to teach it. I just want to ensure that this is continued.

De-Stress our Examinations!

Image via Wikipedia

I’ve recently finished my AS level exams, and one of the key features of those, and probably all the exams I ever will sit, is the stress.  Stress is a horrible thing, invading into every aspect of one’s life, and so now I’ve been acting especially grouchy.  So, considering this, would it not be better if all our exams were made a bit more stress free?

The De-Stress Our Examinations Party

Manifesto for a Better Earth Exam…

Item 1 – All pupils should be allowed to take lucky mascots into school.  This can include, but is not limited to, lucky cuddly animals, lucky real animals, lucky calculators, lucky supercomputers, lucky particle accelerators, and lucky teachers.

Item 2 – During exam periods, students should have their time made as comfortable as possible.  Examples of relaxational techniques include foot massages and back rubs, performed by trained invigilators, fanning with traditional Egyptian feather fans, warm bubble baths (very bubbly), relaxing music, and for exam papers to be colour-coded in such a way as to be pleasing to the eye.

Item 3 – Exam questions should be of three forms and three forms only.  These should be join-the-dots, copy-what-the-person-next-to-you-wrote, and colour-in-the-picture questions.

Item 4 – Pages that have no questions written on them should not have ‘This page has no questions written on it”.  Instead, it should be headed with the words “This page has been left blank to doodle on.”  The page should also have inspirations and starting doodles, for those people who are just too stressed out to be creative.

Item 5 – All information should be given in the question.

 

Sounds about right to me.  Any joiners?

Pick a book, any book

 

Dan Brown. Because I couldn't find a more suitable image. (Also, thanks to Wikipedia Commons)

 

I’m writing this now because I’m bored with tidying my room, and I need a break.  I would be writing this with one of my ‘nice’ pens, but as one of them has broken, one has run out of ink, and the third has managed to escape from my clutches to what I can only assume is a life of discomfort, squalor and illegality, I am left writing on my ASUS EeePC.  While chewing on a very tasty old-fashioned blackberry sweet thing.  You know, like a pear drop, but blackberry-flavoured.  So it’s really a blackberry drop.  And very nice too, although I prefer the raspberry ones.  You know, like blackberry drops, but raspberry flavored.  You could call them raspberry drops if you liked, but I’d much rather get on with the point of this post.  If I can remember what it was meant to be before I started waffling on about raspberry and blackberry drops.

I try to consider myself a bit of an expert on books.  I’m not that good at writing them, and, if I’m honest, I haven’t read as many as I’d have liked, but I’m sure I’ll remedy this one day…

But in the meantime, I will still consider myself an expert.  Books isn’t the same as Literature.  Literature is old and boring, and rather pointless.  It’s often written by people with too many ‘K’s, ‘V’s or ‘S’s in their names.  It often has a point, or makes a commentary on socio-political ideals.  I’ve no idea what one of those actually looks like, or if commentators on them are as funny as the commentator on Come Dine with Me, but I suspect, rather regretfully, that this isn’t the case.

I was wandering the streets of York recently (yes, the original York in England (original England) as opposed to the ‘New’ ones all over the bloomin’ place) and I realised that, although I am perfectly alright to stroll into a bookshop and  find the perfect book for me, most people, sadly, may find this sort of thing a struggle.  And then I realised that I was in a perfect place, what with me having a blog and all, to teach you people in the ways of buying good books.

The first thing you need to do when you pick up a book is look at the title.  Obviously this guide applies only to prose – non-fiction works are *ahem* a closed book to me – although once you have studied this, there may be some other types of text that you may be able to attempt to put into this category.

So once you have your title, think long and hard about it.  Are there any words that you have never heard of?  Do you think this is because you don’t read dictionaries in your spare time, or because you don’t think there is a dictionary in the known universe that contains this word?  If it is the latter, then you have probably picked up a Fantasy book.  Refer to the notes on Fantasy later on in this guide.  Alternatively, does the title contain words like ‘code’, ‘conspiracy’, and/or any letter of the Greek alphabet?  By the sounds of it, you’ve found a Dan Brown Anti-Novel.  Put it back where you found it and run and tell the nearest shop owner.  Unless you’re in WHSmiths, in which case you deserve it.

Also, look for any heading/sub-heading combinations.  For example, if, in yellow outlines at the top of the book, you find the words ‘STAR WARS’, then congratulations, you’ve probably found either a Book Of The Movie or Fanfic.  Books Of The Movie are okay, and can be treated if the condition in brought to light soon enough.  Fanfic, on the other hand, is extremely contagious and can also kill extremely quickly.  I’d advise you buy the book, and then, for the good of humanity, hunt the author down and shoot him.  Unless you want to make him/her suffer, in which case tie him/her to a chair and provide in-depth feedback on why the book is so bad, going through the book word by word.  That will serve the author right.  You may be lucky enough to find the author’s brain, although this doesn’t happen very often.  In this case, eat it, and move in to the author’s house.  With luck, no-one will notice any difference in the quality or style of the books.

Secondly, look at the cover.  The two most important things to watch out for are men with bubbles over their heads and/or robots (Sci-fi) and dragons, swords or tunics (Fantasy).  Sci-fi is okay.  Just make sure you’ve quit before you start going to conventions.  That’s the point where it starts to get unbearable.  Fantasy is much the same.  However, there are two main types of Fantasy.  There is High Fantasy, which is intensely unoriginal and has all been done before.  And there is Original Fantasy, which is intensely unoriginal and has all been done before but is more modern.  If you are offered the choice, go for the former.  Original Fantasy usually manifests itself as books for children – often girls – where the main characters do something exciting like meeting fairies – or maybe even faeries – and usually don’t even have to leave the comfort of their twenty-first century life.  Beautiful.  Also trite.  Avoid like the plague.

Otherwise, look at what the cover picture actually is.  A bright, cheerful cartoon?  Usually children’s trash, although this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  Dark brooding photo of the author?  Sounds like Literature to me.  Hand in at the nearest tip.  Competent drawing of a character?  This is probably High Fantasy, although be wary if there are no actual dragons/swords on the spine or back of the book.  Landscape drawing?  This is probably a Competent Writer, so watch out for these.  If there are any silhouettes, then grab it quick before someone else has a chance.

Thirdly, check the blurb.  Anything about the book being told in an original way?  Been done before.  A thousand times.  And it won’t be any better this time.  There’s a reason why stories are told in the same way.  A brief synopsis of the plot is what you’re looking for.  Many blurbs are made up of two paragraphs, a synopsis and an appraisal of the author.  If there is any mention of the author in the first paragraph, throw the book away.  Quotes from the book can be a good thing, not least because it will usually be more fun skimming the book looking for the quote than actually reading the thing.

Fourthly, and I can’t believe I didn’t put this in earlier, although I can’t be bothered to change that, comes the author.  If you have trouble distinguishing the author from the book title, then you’ve found either FanFic or High Fantasy.  If you have heard of the author, ask yourself where.  Was it on any kind of book of the week?  You’ve probably found either a Dan Brown Anti-Novel, or a Danielle Brownetta Anti-Novel.  The former is for men, the latter is for women.  For both the answer is clear:  Stop shopping in WHSmiths.  If you think you heard the author do a short piece on Radio Four, then you might have got yourself a Competent Writer.  Buy.  Immediately.

Finally, check out the awards and reviews.  Blue Peter award?  Good work!  It’s probably by Michael Morpurgo, in which case it is the very essence of a Competent Writer’s book, albeit probably for younger kids.  Anything classy?  This is probably Literature, which should usually be avoided.  The third option is a recommendation from a book club.  In which case it is some sort of Anti-Novel, and, as before, it is your own fault.  Unless, I suppose, you’re in Waterstones, in which case I’ll forgive you as it can be confusing to some people.  Just make sure you haven’t strayed to near to the police tape and/or cardboard cut-out of the author/book cover/main character.  Reviews can come from lots of different people.  As a general rule, named people are better than newspapers, although Sci-fi/Fantasy magazines are also quite good.  Try things like ‘Orbit’ or ‘Fear’, or something that sounds overly archaic.  The very worst thing to find is a set of stars.  This is a big sign that you’ve found an Anti-Novel, although, to be honest, if you haven’t realised that it is an Anti-Novel by now, then you may need help.  Either that or you’ve been using this guide backwards.

A Related Article

• Giving away Dan Brown (economist.com)

What a Long Time it has Been…

It’s been a while, eh reader? You’ll have noticed the new theme – yes, I’ve been decorating… Also, WordPress, in all their semi-omniscient wisdom, have seen it fit to bestow on me the right to offer you the chance to ‘like’ ‘share’ ‘tweet’ ‘digg’ generally send my posts across the twittersphere, the digg-o-globe and, presumably, the Facebook-o-circle. Yes, reader, go, spread the word: There is a new – or at least not very famous – blogger on the scene, and he’s exactly the same as all of the other blogs out there, except maybe not quite as good. It’s true. I can’t even do pictures very well.
So, new term, new school year, new school even. (I think it might also be Jewish New Year, but don’t quote me on that.) What is happening in the crazy land of Johz?
Well, I’ve moved schools, as my old school has run out of years for me to be in. The new school however, goes all the way up to Year 13! That’s right the way up to the age of 18, at which point I assume that I will be thrown out of my house to go and get a debt, which, I hear, is what universities are for these days.
Interestingly, I am abandoning my comprehensive ways, and going to a grammar school. Yes, I know, and very weird it is too. For some odd reason, instead of doing rugby in PE, I’m doing ‘rugger’ in ‘games’! What on earth is ‘rugger’, anyway? Still, I suppose I brought it on myself.
Also, exam results! Yes, those dreaded things! Not too badly here, a few A* grades, but mainly As, and a D in Physical Education to match my D in Citizenship. Not too bad, overall, but I know that, had I worked harder, maybe I would have acheived more?
On top of all this, I have just started the Bible in One Year, a Soul Survivor initiative, whereby they have mixed up the Bible a bit, and split it all into daily chunks. The idea is that we all start on September the first, and Mike Pilivachi will finish on August the thirty first, with the rest of us having given up at various points along the way.
Joking aside, this is actually a very good idea. I mean, I call myself a Christian, but I’ve never really had the chance to make my own mind up about what the Bible actually says, and, being as the Bible is a rather large cornerstone of the Christian faith, I feel that I may be missing out slightly. I’d recommend you try it to, especially if you’re an atheist trying to argue that we’re misguided fools. At the very least, you’ll be able to know our weaknesses…
Finally, in the grand round-up of all things Johz, I feel that, so far, I appear to have neglected perhaps the most important thing…

I T ‘ S – M Y – B I R T H D A Y ! !

Well, it’s not my birthday, it is merely the first aniversary of this blog, and it isn’t for about a month or so yet. However, if you can think of an absolutely epic-ly wonderfully awsome way of celebrating this momentous occasion, please, I would love to be able to hear it.
You can tell I’m excited. I don’t think I have ever used the word awesome in my life.

Why Every Child Cannot Matter in a Conservative Government

Well hello there, reader! Johz is on holiday! Just outside Dartmouth, if you’re interested. However, Johz also has a trick up his sleeve: Mobile internet. True, I’m using some strange touch-screen keyboard thingy that I’m only just getting used to, but it’s better than nothing, eh? I hope so.
So, to start what I hope will be a series of holiday posts, does every child really matter? Well, it seems the Conservatives don’t think so. Fish-faced education secretary Michael Gove (Come on, Govey!) has decided that every child does not matter, and has told his Civil Servants that the new phrase is ‘Help Children Achieve More’.
Lolwut?
Yes, it’s true, Govey has decided to rename the ‘Every Child Matters’ scheme on the sole basis that it sounds too official. In the words of Liberal Conspiracy.org (I think), you could not make this up.
Actually, you can sort of see why Govey doesn’t like the phrase. It mainly centres on the two words ‘Every’ and ‘Matters’.
To begin with, I’ll look at the latter word, ‘matters’. The problem here is fairly obvious. How can you measure self-worth? I’m sure there’s an extremely useful test for it somewhere, but Gove, for all that he is a poncy, fish-faced fool, is not that stupid that he is going to try adding in extra tests into the curriculum. At least, I hope not…
The other word that might cast fear into the heart of Conservative policy is the word ‘every’. Yes, every. That doesn’t mean ‘just the rich people’. Nor just the kids whose parents pay for them to go to private school. It doesn’t even mean just the kids with free school meals because the rich kids can look after themselves. It means every last child in the whole of the British Isles mattered. They were worth something that wasn’t just about money. You can see why the Conservatives don’t like it.
Okay, time to quickly update you on anything interesting that may be happening soon. Hopefully, within the next couple of weeks, I will be switching to the ‘Coralline’ theme, so look out for that. Also, although I may be back home before I can do it, I will try to post about Salcombe, holiday home of the Rich City Banker; the best parts in a play; and Soul Survivor. In the meantime, so long and sorry for all the spelling mistakes!